what WOULD Jesus do, exactly?

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jer. 29:13

It is official, I am truly world's worst blogger. I've read somewhere that the key to having a successful blog, is "update, update, update!". Whoops. I promise you this, girls, that my heart is truly and richly devoted to a ministry for women of all ages, and my passion lies in pouring out what God has revealed to me, hoping that it encourgaes the faith-journeys of others.

Sometimes I think God thunders, and we can't help but spill what he has for us. Other times, I think he whispers. Intimate, quiet messages and lessons that are meant for, and personalized, just for me. I think that is the season I have been in this summer, and I hope you can relate. Our relationship with God is meant to be personal, because we are each personally loved, that sometimes our growth and our learnings (that's a word right?) can not be put into words, because they are special conversation with an intimate God.

Here is what I can tell you though; that this summer my eyes have been opened to the personability of God. He has shown me how he a) never leaves or forgets us (Hebrews 13:5) and b) he has every detail of our lives on his radar and c) he loves me. That last one, is a simple proclamation that I have heard since I was a little girl, but accepting and believing it and understanding the BIGNESS of it all is something that is brand new to me.

I have spent the last year of my life searching. I have been digging through theology, trying to figure out what is right to believe and what is not. I have been taking baby steps on all sorts of life paths, thinking maybe that's the direction God wants me to go in. I have been seeking and listening for God's voice (through all different medias) hoping he will show me the way and either fulfill my desires, or take them from me. I have been investigating how Jesus would live his life if he were in my shoes. For example, how would he vote? how would he dress? what would he do for fun? would he drink alcohol? would he approve two-piece swimsuits? would he watch MTV? would he tell me to spend time with those who've hurt me, or to cut them out of my life? Would he go green, or save the whales? Trust me, I've racked my brain with questions such as these, I chalk it up to a coming-of-age thing.

This coming-of-age thing, while fascinating, has been paired with much anxiety. My gosh, is the way I've always thought about life right? Am I doing life right? Or have I got it wrong the whole time, and God is shaking his head? I've had good intentions, but have I had the right actions? At times, this search for truth became so frustrating, I just said "forget it, this is too hard God. You're going to have to inject my mind and my heart with the right stuff, because I'm so afraid of being wrong." And so I sat on my couch, Sunday after Sunday, watching Friends reruns, and not caring if that was okay or not.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. -John 14:6

Well, God had his way of course. He didn't let my heart go. He didn't let my frustrations tear me away from Him. I began church-hunting, and through my skeptical, pouting attendance in plush chairs and pew benches, God spoke to me. He said, "We're in this together, seek me and you will find me. I'm the one stable thing in your life, I am a rock you won't fall from."

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened -Matthew 7:8

Well duh, I am seeking him. I want the truth more than anything. I want to live right, and love right, and accept the grace that he is given when I DON'T get it right (on a daily basis). God is with me in my church-hunt, job-hunt, housing-hunt, and HIM-hunt.

I hope that this all makes sense and that this may encourage those of you that have been searching for God as well, and have had to become anxious, frustrated, and jaded only to give way to the rest that God is with you, the Holy Spirit is guiding you, and you are never alone. God is not threatened by our doubts, our questions, or our raised eyebrows. There aren't enough people in this world looking for him, so I get a feeling when he sees his pretty little daughter searching for him, he rushes to her.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you -James 4:7-8

Trust God to find you. Trust him to reveal his truths to you. Trust him to never let you wander off his path, as long as you keep your eyes on him.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. -Matt. 6:33